Interview with Dateablity, Me, & Johnathon (Part 1)

Introduction: The Sibling Syndicate

"All right, good morning, everybody, or good afternoon, depending on where you're listening from."

That’s how I began the interview, settling into my host role. I’m Jennifer Purcell, and while I typically host Living with an Invisible Learning Challenge, today’s conversation was particularly special. I was joined by Jacqueline and Alexa, the co-founders of the dating app Dateability, and my own sibling, Johnathon, a long-time expert in tech safety. It was a unique panel, bringing together personal experience, legal expertise, and industry insight to discuss one simple, complex question: Why is it so hard to find connection when you live with an invisible challenge?

The premise of the conversation was laid out immediately by the Dateability founders.

"Hi, everyone. I am Jacqueline," she began. "I am 30 years old, and I am living in Denver, Colorado. I founded Dateability with my sister, Alexa, after years of ableism and discrimination, and just overall negative experiences that I had on the mainstream dating apps."

Jacqueline, who lives with multiple physical disabilities and chronic illnesses, including dysautonomia and gastroparesis, summarized the driving force behind their creation. "I really just couldn't believe that there wasn't a safe and inclusive place out there for the world's largest minority to date, so we decided to change that."

Alexa, an older sister and public interest attorney, added her perspective as an ally. "Jacqueline's really opened up my eyes to what it's like to date with a disability, and I'm happy to be here."

Rounding out the group was my sibling, Johnathon. "I am Johnathon. I’ve spent my work in trust and safety, so advising tech companies on how to build safer, more inclusive platforms." Having worked with numerous dating apps under the Match Group umbrella (Tinder, Hinge, etc.), his perspective offered a crucial bridge between the industry's intent and the user’s lived experience.

The Origin Story: Passion and the Pandemic

It quickly became clear that the genesis of Dateability was a blend of necessity and serendipity.

For Jacqueline and Alexa, the inspiration was deeply personal. "Watching her experiences and how different they were from mine, even though we're so similar," Alexa reflected. The timing was also a factor: "It was the beginning-ish of the pandemic, and so there was kind of this lull in life and a lull in my career because I was laid off... it was kind of like the time is now." The isolation of COVID-19 only amplified the need for safe, online connections. "Jacqueline's experiences, I knew that we weren't alone and that she wasn't alone in what she was going through."

For Johnathon, the inspiration for his work was guided by a broad desire for positive change. "I wanted to make a difference," he said. "I believed that tech platforms had immense reach and impacted numerous people… and I was of the mind that there needs to be people working on the inside to make those platforms better and to make them safer, to make them more inclusive."

It was a shared ethos: using the mechanism of technology—whether from the outside in, or the inside out—to build a better, kinder world.

The Invisible Barrier: Explaining the Challenge

I then asked Jacqueline to share more about her specific health challenges and how they impacted dating.

"I was diagnosed with chronic illnesses when I was a young teenager," she explained, listing conditions like dysautonomia, gastroparesis, and Ehlers-Danlos. She has undergone over 40 surgeries, lives with chronic pain and fatigue, and uses a feeding tube due to her gastroparesis.

The feeding tube was the catalyst for Dateability. "Food is such a big part of our society," she noted. "What do people do on first dates usually? They go out to eat, and that was really anxiety-inducing." She realized she had to, on top of everything, explain this entire scenario.

"I was really sick of having to weed all these bad people out just to go on one date with someone who wasn't ableist," Jacqueline stated. The core problem was the exhaustion of constant disclosure and the immediately ableist assumptions people make. "Hearing the word disability, it was like, ooh, people automatically think people are weak or unattractive."

For my own part, I shared my invisible learning challenge: Nonverbal Learning Disability (NVLD), which makes it difficult to read body language, tone of voice, and social cues. My interest in Dateability came from an understanding of the adaptability needed to navigate a world that doesn't cater to our neurological or physical realities.

Building a Niche, Not a Wall

The conversation then turned to the actual creation process. Surprisingly, neither Jacqueline nor Alexa had a tech background.

"We thought it would be easier," Jacqueline admitted, chuckling slightly, "and I'm not sure why we thought that… I think in the beginning, we literally Googled how to build a dating app."

Alexa jumped in with an almost unbelievable detail: "You were in the hospital, and I was in the waiting room… and I think I remember, like, how to build an app, like how to find someone who can build an app for you."

The difficulty wasn't just technical; it was financial. Alexa was shocked by the bias they faced. "I didn't realize the discrimination against female and disabled founders is still so pervasive," she said. Investors would often dismiss the idea, saying the market was "saturated."

"That's fair," Alexa countered, "and as somebody who's non-disabled, I have a plethora of dating apps that I could choose from, too many to think about, but for the largest minority, there is nothing out there."

This led us to the core value of Dateability: The creation of the Dateability Deets profile section. This extensive list allows users to select broad terms like immunocompromised, neurodivergent, or wheelchair user.

"It's just a relief," Jacqueline explained. "They can put that on their profile… and so people know what they're getting when they look at your profile."

Alexa emphasized that this niche is inclusive. "We're inclusive, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality. 48% of our users identify as queer." She also noted that about 10% of their user base are non-disabled allies.

The value, however, is in the focus. Both sisters argued for the benefit of fewer options.

"Dating apps introduced unlimited choice, and we thought that was the best thing in the world," Johnathon agreed, validating their vision. "And I think for a time it was, until it became too many choices. And now you see all the dating apps going back to creating niches."

He pointed out that the industry is recognizing this trend, with major companies launching apps for single parents or specific LGBTQ+ segments. The issue with the mainstream apps, he noted, is that they weren't built with these communities in mind, often limiting options for gender identity or preference to a rigid binary.

"I think being able to have something that is niche but inclusive is the future," Johnathon concluded.

The Dateability team sees the results firsthand. "We have almost 21,000 users on Dateability," Alexa shared. And despite the relatively small size compared to the giants, the focused approach is working. Jacqueline mentioned a success story that started within the first month of launching: "These two people started dating. And they're going to be hitting their second anniversary this year."

The success wasn't about volume; it was about value alignment. The focus on disability and chronic illness doesn’t silo users, it simply weeds out the ableism, allowing users to showcase their uniqueness and individuality without fear of immediate dismissal.

Final Takeaways: Building Your Own Framework

"I hope that episode was well worth it for you to listen to," I closed, reflecting on the profound learning experience this conversation offered.

The journey of Dateability, and the insights from Johnathon's trust and safety work, underscore a critical lesson for anyone living with an invisible challenge, whether it’s NVLD, chronic illness, or any other difference: sometimes you have to build your own framework for connection.

The interview reinforced that the most effective way to navigate a world not designed for you is to be adaptable yourself, to know your values, and to seek out spaces and people whose values align with yours. Just as Jacqueline found a way to share her truth and find love, and as I learn to navigate my own learning challenge, we all have the power to create a safer, more understandable path forward.

I hoped listeners would take away the importance of pausing, journaling, and not making the same mistake twice—not just for themselves, but to turn their lessons into a form of empathy. Because once you understand the challenges yourself, you are uniquely equipped to help others through theirs.