The Confidence to Stop Second-Guessing Yourself
Welcome to Living with an Invisible Learning Challenge. Today, we're talking about having more confidence in ourselves and stopping the cycle of second-guessing. This is a common struggle, whether you're neurodivergent or neurotypical. For me, this doubt often manifests in conversations when I'm hesitant to believe what others share, not because of them, but because I'm still working on trusting myself. My journey to self-confidence has been a long one, rooted in a New Year's resolution to use more positive self-talk.
The first step in this process is self-awareness. I started by catching myself whenever I felt self-doubt, had negative self-talk, or felt a lack of confidence. Instead of beating myself up for mistakes, I began to reframe them as learning opportunities. I'd ask, "Would I have done it differently if I'd known better?" The answer was often no, which helped me find peace with the past. I also found comfort in listening to songs like "I Learn and I Forget" by Daniel Namath and "Now" by Mallory Hope, which remind me that my path is unfolding just as it should.
A pivotal moment for my self-confidence came in college. I was struggling and didn't believe I could graduate, but my mom's unwavering faith in me and my decision to follow my gut and disclose childhood sexual abuse taught me a profound lesson. I realized I could trust my own intuition, especially when it came to protecting myself. I began to question my self-doubt and recognized that I was only second-guessing myself because I was comparing myself to neurotypicals. This was particularly true with challenges like driving, which I didn't learn until I was 22.
To overcome challenges like driving, which involve visual-spatial skills, multitasking, and fast reflexes, I've developed strategies to improve these abilities. I jump rope and play jacks for better timing, reflexes, and peripheral vision. I also train for half marathons by running on trails with rocks, which forces me to constantly be aware of my footing and helps me with my peripheral vision.
Insights from the Articles
An article from the Integrative Council titled "Change Your Thoughts, Stop Second-Guessing" provides five tips for building self-trust. One of my favorites is to find comfort in making mistakes. The article notes that "everyone makes mistakes" and that the fear of making a wrong decision keeps us "stuck and stagnant." This is something I've had to learn, as I've realized that if I don't make mistakes, I don't learn and grow.
The article also suggests a courage journal, where you record all the ways you've acted courageously. This can help you focus on your successes and remind you of your strengths. It also speaks to the power of becoming more aware of your thoughts and embracing the unknown. It can be difficult to turn negative thoughts into positive ones, especially if you have low self-esteem, but awareness is the first step toward change. By approaching the unknown with curiosity and a love for learning, we can make decisions from a place of strength rather than fear.
The Burden of Second-Guessing in Social Interactions
The final article, "Socializing as an Autistic: The Burden of Second-Guessing," by Autistic Aloha, perfectly captures the social anxiety that many neurodivergent individuals feel. The author describes replaying social interactions, questioning if they said the right things or made enough eye contact. This constant self-analysis is a form of second-guessing that is incredibly exhausting.
Instead of focusing on all the things we might have done "wrong," we should try to celebrate the things we did do right. This could be as simple as asking someone about their summer or a recent trip. These small efforts can help build confidence and make social interactions feel more manageable.
I hope this episode helps you feel less alone in your struggles with self-doubt. The journey to self-confidence is a process, but with awareness and practice, we can all learn to trust ourselves more. Remember to be kind to yourself and celebrate every step of your progress, no matter how small.
Link for articles and podcast
https://integrativecounsel.org/change-your-thoughts-stop-second-guessing/
