Interview with Me and Eileen (Part 3)

Overcoming the Odds: A Journey Through Academics and Athletics

Me: I hope you enjoy today's episodes. It was hard on my mom, too, because she helped me a lot in college by proofreading my essays and working with me to make them sound smoother and of higher quality. She did that for two years, and that was a lot because I was a sociology major. It was a lot of work. Were you able to go to college? I know sometimes that's hard for people with learning disabilities.

Eileen: I was able to go to college. I actually was able to go to colleges that had comprehensive programs for learning disabilities. I went to Dean College, and then I transferred on to Curry College, and I was fortunate to go to Dean because they had to reject a lot of people that year because it was around the trend of everyone needs to go to college at the beginning of the time, and these L.D. programs sound wonderful, but they can't take every L.D. kid.

They only take 25 to 30 each year, and the director of admissions later told my parents, Like, we can tell you this now, but the director is going to be honest with you. She was hesitant to accept your daughter because of your tests and scores, just various factors, despite what people think, GPA, and everything else. There are just factors, and they're making the decision, but then they said what sealed the deal was that she always took the academic program. We could tell that she wasn't really having as many accommodations as she probably would have qualified for, like you and Bill did smartly. You were smart about how you made your decisions, like, you took risks, and the risks were appropriate. Like, I look back, like, there's no way that I could have taken the upper level math course, like, if that was the case, the teacher would have failed me, but for a class, but like a higher level English course, I could do, like, it took more time at home, but because I didn't mind doing the work, I couldn't, so much of that course was writing papers, but math, like, you have to know all the formulas, how to draw the shapes, and that was, like, nearly impossible for me, and then what they did say, like, the one thing that they say, and this is, again, going back to the beginning why I wanted to focus on inclusion in sports, but one thing that closed the deal is I had, I had my track coach, Connie, write me a recommendation, and Jim write me a recommendation.

It was more like it wasn't a year, it was more like a questionnaire. They wanted to know, like, how you look at adults, or what would you say was the biggest strength, and for the LG program, they wanted to be a non-academic person, but for college, because they already had college recommendations, and in many ways, a coach, the coach does help you, like a resource room teacher does, like, it's more relaxed, just a little more relaxed, and they wanted to see how you were through something that was difficult, and how you connected to adults, and that's, that's how I got to go to Curry and Dean, by, because I was always doing the most challenging things, and I was always a respectful, and a dedicated, and committed, incredibly committed athlete, so when they saw my application, they were like, Eileen's going to show up to every academic coach meeting that her parents paid for, like, a lot of kids, the parents throw money down the drain, and then because of that, sometimes we have to cut our tours, because there's not enough kids to stay in the program, and then with Eileen, like, everything, unless she goes through a drastic change, everything on record is going, they're showing us that this girl is going to succeed, and so I didn't really have a hard time in college, I had a hard time, like, everyone does, too, in the transition, no doubt about it, but because it was a structured program, the director, and the program knew us really well, and we were assigned an academic coach, like, Lynn's specialist, everyone has a different term, and she functioned, she functioned like a resource and teacher, because she saw you regularly, it wasn't like a local college, where many of my classmates were, and many of them dropped out, where everything fell down to students, they didn't track you down, unless there was, like, a major issue, like, in danger of failing a course, or misbehaving in dorm, but usually by the time, if you didn't show up by the time, regularly, by the time you contacted, they contacted you, it was almost too late to solve the issue, and when I was in my program, I saw the woman three to four times a week, four times a week, my first year for the transition, and gradually, you downsize, and she had access to my grades, like, my resource and teacher and school counselor could, so if there were issues, like, you can't solve everything, sometimes you're going to get a lower grade than you want, but we were able to work it out, so things became finished the best way they possibly could, like, it didn't mean that every kid was going to be meaningless, that's just unfeasible, like, we're in specialists and not miracle workers, but the students who are dedicated, many students received B and C's, because they were able to get out of holes before it became too deep, because the parents were paying a lot of money, so the kids who were showing up, they made sure the kids finished the best that they could do, and of course, too, if a kid wasn't showing up, like, after a while, they would call the parents, like, hey, I'm really sorry, it's a lot of money, but he needs to quit the program, or he needs to stop coming, like, he's, I have extra, I have students who could benefit from extra time, and I'm giving it up for them, because college is a privilege. Right, yeah, that makes sense to me.

Finding Motivation and Advocating for a Diagnosis

Me: Just a couple more questions, what would you tell others who have NLD or a learning disability as motivation when they might get frustrated or discouraged?

Eileen: I would tell, I would, I would first say if the situation, like, my frustrations became more in sports, because, like, I had academic frustrations, don't get me wrong, but I feel like the resource room teachers and the classroom teachers were more likely to get you to laugh it off, or the overcomer, because they, they were used to people with challenges day in and day out. It's harder, it's harder than an extra activity like sports or theater, because many of the kids who are not good at the sport drop out, and that's just reality, like, unless they have a lot of friends. So, like, for me, and, like, my parents sense frustration in me, and again, I was fortunate, like, my track, both teachers, both were teachers in the district, cross country was too, but that wasn't as big of a deal, because it was just one season.

My problem survived, but it wasn't like it was all year, like, track was pretty much second semester all the way through, but, like, everything, you need to have open communication, because if the coaches know that something's bothering you, they'll go out of their way to fix it, especially if it comes to you and the parent, that's some, like, I understand at times, and teachers come up to coaches and say, this kid's struggling, it frustrates them. I used to, I used to get angry at that, but now that, like, I look to people in schools and support kids that I don't need, I get, I get why, I get why Penny and Jim and Diane liked it more, and my mom and I went down and talked to them directly, rather than, like, the school counselor. Obviously, they trusted what the school counselor said, but hearing it from the individual who suffered, it goes a long way, because they can tell by your form of, they can tell by your tone of voice that you're becoming discouraged, you want to give up, or you don't want to do this or that anymore, and kind of try something else, because when the, not that when the counselor or the resource room teacher, it isn't true, but sometimes kids don't, sometimes kids don't always open up to the counselors or the resource, and not that they will open up to the coaches all the time, necessarily, like I was able to do, but most of the time, the coach can tell if there's more to give, like, I'm missing something, just by your facial expressions, but in the counselors, someone else is telling you that you have a hard time, I'm just, it's just as bad as it seems, because you're not seeing their own emotions or their own tone of voice.

Me: Yeah, that, that does make sense to me. One other question, though, which is kind of similar to that one, for people who, you know, like, they don't, they're not diagnosed yet with the learning disability or NLD, but they want to get a diagnosis, how would you encourage them to do that?

Eileen: I do know, just because it's not in DSM-5, many school psychologists will not will not do classification, but if there's someone like me that has, it clearly says it's most likely NLD, just the parents are entitled to file a report and say, like, they would for, like, a private school placement, they are allowed to say, like, you're not providing this test, and we found this nurse, like, like, I went outside of Boston for mine, like, we are requesting you to pay for it, we'd be able to settle that release risk, but the cost and our insurance recover the rest, and that's how my, that's how I got tested, the CFC chair was like, no, we're paying the whole thing, you have done everything on your own, you've gone through a lot of changes, and you've been pushy, but you've never been negative, like, your pushiness has always been professional, that you're a dedicated teacher, and you're a wonderful mother, and you get, and the thing about Eileen is, like, she's a spotlight outside of academics, like, we talk to her teachers, we talk to her club advisors, and we talk to her coaches, and they all say the same thing, there's more to what she has, like, there's something missing on her classification, and it's not autism, it's no, it's not, I don't believe it's other health imperative, because she doesn't have attentional issues, and I think, and by being connected, like, the district was willing, the district knew they had to pay, because, like, we, just because all the information was there, and the district, in theory, has to pay anyway, if, if it's not something that they can provide, and they're recommending to the parents, like, they were recommending a new classification, but they didn't provide the one that we thought, but it really does help if you are connected, they're more, like, they, they see more, and they understand, like, I think this is accurate.

Me: Yeah, that, that definitely makes sense to me. Last question for you, as you look back on your life, what is the proudest accomplishment that you have?

The Power of Perseverance: My Proudest Accomplishments

Eileen: I would say my proudest accomplishment was, and I know this sounds sparse, but I'll keep it to the theme of what I've been talking about, with determination and courage. In 10th grade, I received the, the Coaches Award on my track team, and I know, like, this is just a school award, it was nothing county-wise, but that year, many people didn't, I was basically advised to become a team manager, because of my girls' smaller skills, and my mom figured out a way, not, not like, not aggressively, really, like, she basically talked to, like, the individual coaches to figure out the best placement, like, like she, like you would as a parent, figuring out the best academic placements, and we figured out that during cross-country in the fall, to be ready for track was the right decision, and that spring, I got the most, I got the team award, because the year before, all I could run was a 200 or less, like, I would literally run a 400 at practice and be tired, like, I would do it just because I was on the team, like, I can't stop, I can't have people laugh at me this soon, but by 10th grade, by doing the transition to cross-country, Connie gave me the most improved, and the coaches, like, the most improved coaches, I forget the name of the award, but that's pretty much what it was, the criteria, and she talked about how I had this athlete who would run anything for me, and the award runner went from only doing Exhibition 100 and occasionally Exhibition 200 to run any event that I wanted her to run, ranging from the 400 to the 3,000, and even though she only ran the 3,000 once, because we realized it wasn't appropriate for her, there were too many fast runners in the race, given the nature of it, she still did it, and balanced, and was always open, and the rest of the teammates, I could, if I got struck, I could count on Eileen to do it, I didn't, luckily, I didn't, I had one other person, so I was able to put her in the 1,500, 800, 1,000 indoor, but the year before, like, I didn't even know if she'd be able to finish the practices, because of how low, like, she didn't say my name, obviously, like, she didn't mind giving it away, but, like, she didn't even know, like, if I was going to be able to finish, or if something would happen at practice, and throughout it all, like, many of the races, luckily, many of them, like, the seizures occurred sometimes, but luckily, they happened after the race, and, but one time, I had done the 4x8, and that year, and my eyes, I guess, were, like, bloodshot, and my coach was, like, I don't know, you should run the next event, I'm kind of nervous, and, of course, I'm a stubborn and determined 10th grader, like, no, everyone, if I don't run, everyone's just gonna say, we told you, you couldn't do this sport, like, I still had that on my mind, so I went ahead and ran the 1500, and in the middle of the way, like, probably 400 meters left, maybe less than that, because of the indoor track, maybe, it was more like 200, I, regardless, I didn't want to laugh around, I think, the, my headache started, like, oh, geez, honey was right, but I caught, I persevered, I crossed the finish line, and, like, of course, the seizure comes in full force, so at first, we're, like, incredibly nervous, but then, like, a half an hour later, once everything's good, honey just laughed and said, you know, you don't have to be too determined, there are times when you can say no, so, like, receiving this reward was probably, even though it seems small, it was the starting point, like, I'm gonna prove people wrong, and, of course, graduating college was huge, too, no one thought I could go to college, and they were right, I could never have gone to college, had just any college, my parents had to find a program that was structured and organized, and then the file, and then the toss-up for that would be my junior year, I received a section, the section 10 sportsmanship award for cross country, being, being with other athletes, many of them who are fast, like, really gave me, like, I wish more people in my situation could have these opportunities for inclusion, because me and Jim in cross country, and Penny, and Diane, and women in spring track have already showed that, that kids with disabilities similar to NLD at that time, so few had classifications, so I can't really say NLD, I didn't get classified until my senior year, but, like, regardless, we made them realize that, like, kids need more, these kids need encouragement, and adults, for not everyone has the commitment, but adults, certain educators, and counselors, and coaches need to look on the caseloads a little, a little deeper, and say, who could do more than being a team manager, team manager, and for me, like, that's why, like, my athletic awards, in some ways, I'm more proud of than my college diploma, because you do, and nowadays, like, not that I'm not very proud, it's just you hear more about kids graduating from college, but you don't, you still don't hear about coaches giving kids with disabilities athletic awards.

Me: Yeah, that, that definitely makes sense to me. For me, I was proud of being able to graduate from college as well, because I remember when I did, like, a summer program to prepare for going to college, and it was required for me, and they made it required because of being homeschooled, and they, they didn't think that I was going to be able to get through the program and succeed in Berkeley because of being homeschooled. Well, and, you know, not before, I didn't know about an All Day in the Summer program, but I think that if they had known about that, I probably would have been part of that, too. But, you know, I proved them wrong, and I, I can relate to what you were saying about the athletic award piece, because even though I didn't go to public school like you did, I was a runner, and still am, and being able to, you know, do sports is challenging when you have NVLD, and I did a lot of half marathons when I was in high school, and I always trained for the distance.

I didn't usually train for doing it in a certain amount of time, but when I did my first full marathon, I did better than I thought I would with the distance, and a couple weeks later, I got a thing in the mail from them, and it was a second place award for my age bracket for the time that I did it in, which, for me, getting that at 17 and being able to do it in, I think it was five hours, a little over five hours, that felt good to me because of having, I mean, I didn't know I had an LB then, but looking back at that, that definitely felt good to me, because like you were saying, usually people with learning disabilities don't get acknowledged in sports, so I can relate to that as well.

Eileen: Yeah, my coach, and I'm very lucky in my Coach Cunning show, she's a true, like, woman of change. She taught since, she's still coaching today, but she's been a part of every, I don't want to say, every change in the United States, whether it's Title IX and women's rights, and then the ADA was passed in 1990. She was, like my mom, an inclusion coroner. She was one of the teachers who were on board, like, This is fantastic. I'm glad that we have this.

They ended up coaching a youth soccer team together because she needed an extra body. After all, if the kids had issues, my mom had just moved back to Augsburg, and said, I can, told her brother, who was a sports player, I can help you, and then later on, they finished the track, where they're like, she's still coaching today, and she's had teams, and it's like, I was the first, but after, well, probably eight to ten years, probably about five or six years after me, when inclusion did start going forward, she had more people, she switched to Modify, too, but she always had more on Modify, just because the kids feel less pressure, but she coached, she coached kids with autism, and like, one of the families that I know, that's a family friend, says she's the best coach she ever had. Usually, like my mom, my mom loved, we all loved our coaches. We were very lucky.

Diane was a very special teacher. Jim was a family friend, had a special education son, special needs, and unfortunately, in the eight years past, he was already a 10th grader, junior in high school, so he didn't really, he, while he was able to make changes, because they came from a supportive family, they were both teachers, too, and the mom was developmental kindergarten and dealt with specialized kids different, because I was starting school, so every change that was going to be made, I was going to be a part of, just because of a family vow. I don't mean that specifically, like not everyone wants change, but my parents were leading change, and if Jeff only had two years, so he got to be on the track team for a year, but it was harder for him, because it was new.

Eileen: A lot of people weren't all for the change, and then I continued it, but for him, I would say he was my best coach in the sense of a mentor, because I, honey and Diane walk on water for me, always will, but Jim, Jim knew how to deal with what you said about at any time you wish you didn't have an LD, or other emotional issues, because his son Jeff had been there many times, and was, honey, as a track coach, she gave me that type of care of no doubt, never putting him down, like she went out of her way for me, like she knows that, but the empathy wasn't totally there, because when it's your child, it's a totally different ballgame, so you can have a little more compassion, like my mom became, like my mom was always a great teacher, no doubt, but my mom became a exceptional teacher when we were figuring out our diagnosis, because when you live at home, you have different types of emotions, and was, with Penny, and with Penny, any type of change, or any type of right that I was entitled to, she was going to make sure I had it, because she was more into the political changes, and the rights of society, like people with disabilities shouldn't be, shouldn't, should not be treated equal, just like in 74, women, women should never have not been allowed to be on sports teams, the gender disability doesn't define you, and for me, like that was, she was the best coach I could have. Yeah, that definitely makes sense to me. In how you're describing how she helped you, is there anything else? But Jim was, but Jim was, Jim was my, was my mentor, I guess is the best way to say it, as much as Jim coached me, like everyone brings something else, like everyone has their favorite teacher for a different reason, Penny was my advocate and coach, like the rights being made, Jim was the person I could go to if I was having a bad day, and just needed the encouragement to keep moving forward, because with his son, and his son's like me, like my sister's very gifted, she's an attorney, Jeff's the same way, his sister is the head attorney in Boston, was a head attorney, now she does, she's still an attorney, but does non-profit for education, and his brother Jason, while as equally as bright, chose a different path, but he's a successful teacher, so like, like me, the home situations were always the same, because they lived through it every day, and shared the same values, became teachers, they came to be, became teachers a year and a half before my parents, so they were from the same generation, shared the same values, wanted the same things for the kids, disability or not, so like he was the one that I'm still today, like I'm close to both, but I would say he's more of a friend, and a personal friend now, and Penny is my forever coach, my forever advocate, because that there was other change, or something that I want, I know I'm right too, like I know Penny.